18 Songs that made me

These are the songs that constructed my soul and it has been 50 plus years in the making.  You've heard of Miranda Lambert's "The House That Built Me"?  Well these are the songs that built me, from the ground up.  The 18 songs that made me will be in chronological order, beginning with my formative years (the 70's), then my influential/adolescent years (the 80's), into my young adult years of the 90's, followed by the decades of the 21st century.  The ground rules are these:

1. the date the song built a part of me and became ingrained in my soul is what counts and not necessarily when the song was released, therefore both the "impact date" and the actual "release date" will be listed for reference.
2. my age at impact date
3. the setting will be described since that is an important part of the construction process
4. the memory attached to the song will also be expounded upon since that is what makes it achieve immortality

 #1 "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee

Impact Date: Summer 1976

Release Date: June 1976

My age at impact date: almost 6 years old

Setting: Vacation trip to Atlanta, GA in the Summer of '76

This was the first family vacation I remember as well as the first song I ever remember hearing on the radio.  Mom and Dad piled us all in the station wagon and we headed to ATL.  My spot was the very back of the station wagon where you could lay down and still look out the window and count down the street lights in the median on I-85 S from Z8 to A1 (that's how a kid knew he was getting close to the big city).  This awesome vacation included staying in a hotel with a pool and cable TV, neither of which we had at home.  We also went to a Braves game and to Six Flags.  One bad note - I accidentally watched The Omen on HBO and it scared the crap out of me, but maybe planted the seed to become a horror aficionado.  All in all, a great trip and I think of it fondly every time I hear Elton and Kiki.

#2 "Summer Nights" by the cast of Grease

Impact Date: Summer 1978

Release Date: Summer 1978

My age at impact date: almost 9 years old

Setting: summer vacation at home with my two brothers

My parents had a nice vinyl collection on the bookshelf at the time, including the likes of S and G, Roberta Flack and, of course, the Grease Soundtrack. During the summer '78, we saw a double feature of Grease and Saturday Night Fever (now that's a double feature!) and would constantly play the Grease record all summer.  My brothers and I would perform the solos in "Summer Nights", with my older brother singing the part of Danny Zuko and I would sing for Sandy.  And yes, I could hit the high notes because I hadn't hit puberty yet.

#3 "Cats In The Cradle" by Harry Chapin

Impact Date: Summer 1979

Release Date: October 1974

My age at impact date: almost 10 years old

Setting: Camp Old Indian for boy scouts in Greenville County, SC

My older brother was a counselor at Camp Old Indian.  This camp existed to train boy scouts and teach them merit badges and other life skills.  Indian history was a big part of the training  with campfires, tap out ceremonies and Native American dances.  At one point in the ceremony, one of the Eagle Scouts performed a song for the patrons describing the importance of the relationship between a boy and his father.  The song is considered by many to be one of the saddest songs ever written, and I never forgot it.  A few years later, I would join the scouts and enjoy many summers at Camp Old Indian where I learned many life skills that I still use today.  These were some of the best times of my life.

#4 "Same Old Lang Syne" by Dan Fogelberg

Impact Date: Christmas Break 1980

Release Date: November 1980

My age at impact date: 11 years old

Setting: Christmas shopping at K-Mart in Greenville, SC

This was a rough time for my family.  I didn't realize how tough because my parents shielded us kids from most of it.  Times were tough in the early 80's and my dad was working as a pharmacist at K-Mart in Greenville, SC, an hour from our home.  He would sleep in our motor home in the K-Mart parking lot during the week since he kept such long hours and it was so far away from home.  We basically only saw him on the weekends.  I remember my mom driving us to K-Mart go to Christmas shopping and it was a snow/rain mix on the road.  I heard Fogelberg's "Same Old Lang Syne" on the radio and listened to the sad lyrics of old friends trying to reconnect without success and describing the weather conditions similar to what I was witnessing in the car.  To this day, that song always puts me in a sad place.

#5 "Keep On Loving You" by REO Speedwagon

Impact Date: Spring 1981

Release Date: November 1980

My age at impact date: 11 years old

Setting: Roller Skating Center, probably in Easley, SC

What a difference a few months make.  I had my first serious girlfriend and believe me John Cougar had it right, holding hands meant something then.  I recently had a my first kiss when I went for broke and planted one on her lips while riding the school bus #2 to a friend's house from Six Mile Elementary on a Friday afternoon. On one of our "dates", my girlfriend and I "couples only" skated to REO's love song while another guy trying to win her affection watched from the sidelines.  Oh, what a night.  A felt like a champion.

#6 "All Out Of Love" by Air Supply

Impact Date: Summer 1981

Release Date: February 1980

My age at impact date: 11 years old

Setting: 6th grade class trip to Charleston, SC

All good things must come to an end and my relationship with my girlfriend was over. Riding the bus to Charleston with her was my last hurrah.  I took it pretty hard and the Graham Russell/Russell Hitchcock duo summed up my situation exactly.  How long would it take to have another girlfriend you ask?  Only six, yes SIX, long years!  I had to navigate through a blended junior high and high school first, which brings me to the next song that built me.

#7 "Open Arms" by Journey

Impact Date: Spring 1982

Release Date: January 1982

My age at impact date: 12 years old

Setting: first RC Edwards Junior High dance

Some of my best times in junior high were at the school dances.  The school was a mixture of kids from 3 towns (Clemson, Central and Six Mile) so it wasn't easy trying to make new friends from another town.  It all evened out at the dances.  The pinnacle of my 7th grade career was slow dancing with a beautiful 9th grade girl to this great power ballad from Journey.   I was indeed on top of the world.  To put into the proper perspective, this was equivalent to Farmer Ted (the geek) slow dancing with Caroline (Jake Ryan's girlfriend) from Sixteen Candles.

#8 "Sticky Situation" by Tyrone Brunson

Impact Date: Summer 1983

Release Date: 1983

My age at impact date: 13 years old

Setting: CYO bus trip to Six Flags over Georgia

Some of my best times growing up were church youth (also pronounced "yute") groups (CYO), boy scouts and baseball.  One of my favorite memories of youth group trips were those to Six Flags during summer break.  Someone always brought a huge boom box and played the latest cool songs.  Enter "Sticky Situation".  Not an overly great rap song, but it sounds cool on the box and it starts with that iconic "robot voice" made famous by Midnight Star.  Probably the second rap song I had ever heard (Rapper's Delight was first) and maybe opened the door for my liking of rap music, which abruptly ended in the late 80's with NWA.  But I'll take Krush Groove rap, such as Run DMC, the Fat Boys, LL Cool J and the like, all day long.  Other CYO bus songs would be "Let's Dance" by David Bowie (1983) and Everything She Wants" by Wham (1984) because the summer trip to Six Flags was a yearly event.

#9 "Let The Music Play" by Shannon

Impact Date: October 1983

Release Date: September 1983

My age at impact date: 14 years old

Setting: first paid job as a busboy at the Feed Room Restaurant in Pickens, SC

This was my first paid gig at $3/hour under the table and I only worked on Sunday noon to 2 pm to cover the church crowd.  I believe minimum wage was $3.10 at the time.  During clean up we would blast Casey's Top 40 (it was broadcast on Sunday afternoons) and I distinctly remember jamming to this song as I washed dishes.  My unofficial employment history had begun.

#10 "Raspberry Beret" by Prince and the Revolution

Impact Date: May 1985

Release Date: May 1985

My age at impact date: 15 years old

Setting: DW Daniel High School baseball game road trip

In those days, students drove their own cars to away baseball games and I had a spot in the station wagon of one of the players along with 5 others.  The radio was always on and I have a distinct memory of one of the players singing along with this song as we pulled up to the parking lot at Walhalla.  Why was the baseball team so special to me?  I never made the team in high school so I was the scorekeeper or manager, if you will.  The special part was that even though I wasn't officially on the team, every player treated me as if I was.  They were a great group of guys and I was thankful to be a part of it.  This was easily the best part of high school for me until the song came into play.

#11 "Stay the Night" by Chicago

Impact Date: Fall 1986

Release Date: April 1984

My age at impact date: 12 years old

Setting: Working at Ingles Supermarket in Pickens, SC

My first steady job was working at the local super market as a bag boy.  We actually wore a shirt and tie to work, bagged groceries and delivered them to the customer's cars.  No scanner yet, every item was rung up on the register.  I missed many social events due to my work schedule.  One of my friends/coworkers owned a Ford Mustang GT and we cruised around in that car until the tires fell off.  Sunday night was for cruising in Pickens and when we locked up the supermarket for the night we hit the crowded main drag.  The only tape I could find was Chicago 17 so we blasted it on his stereo.

#12 "La Isla Bonita" by Madonna

Impact Date: Spring 1987

Release Date: February 1987

My age at impact date: 17 years old

Setting: 1st high school romance

She was a girl that lived in Camelot, the subdivision in Clemson where many of the professor's kids lived.  She was way out of my league.  We met in the Spring of '87, went to the prom together and dated until my sophomore year in college.  One date that stands out in my mind was to Table Rock State Park.  The weather was perfect, we were in love and this song was playing on the radio as we drove to the park.  I day I will never forget.  She was beautiful, sophisticated and fun.  I was a happy young man.

#13 "The King of Somewhere Hot" by Jimmy Buffett

Impact Date: August 1988

Release Date: June 1988

My age at impact date: almost 19 years old

Setting: headed down I-26 East to Charleston

Headed back for my sophomore year at The Citadel, I was a full on Parrothead.  Knob year was in the rear view mirror and I felt like the king of the world listening to Jimmy's new album in the cassette deck of my Nissan Sentra.  Incidentally, this song was called King of Somewhere Hot.  This is just scratching the surface with JB. It will take another post to cover my favorite JB songs.

#14 "Two Princes" by The Spin Doctors

Impact Date: March 1993

Release Date: March 1993

My age at impact date: 23 years old

Setting: second year of grad school at UAB

I was taking Quantum Mechanics and I had a 50 average heading into the final.  I needed at least a "B" average or I would be out.  I was at the chemistry department writing down some extra study problems to go over before my exam scheduled the next day.  I was woefully unprepared to take the final and I noticed it began to snow outside while listening to this song on the radio.  The blizzard of '93 had begun and the city of Birmingham shut down for over a week.  This gave me plenty time to get ready the the exam which aced and brought my final grade up to a "B".  I finished my Masters the following year.

#15 "So Long, Farewell" by the cast of The Sound of Music

Impact Date: Winter 1999

Release Date: 1965

My age at impact date: 30 years old

Setting: at night in my house with my two young children

My children and I used to sing this song together from the movie and act out the scene.  It is one of my favorite memories of their childhood.  My oldest daughter (5 at the time) would play Liesl and my youngest (1 at the time) would play Gretl.  Although both of my kids are grown and on their own now, thinking of this song always makes my smile.  Ironically, I hated watching this movie as a kid at Christmas time as my parents made us watch it with them.  As an adult, it became one of my favorite movies of all time and is also beloved by my children.

#16 "The End of the Line" by The Traveling Wilburys

Impact Date: December 2017

Release Date: January 1989

My age at impact date: 48 years old

Setting: Montana

Although I was familiar with this song for decades, it really didn't hit me until my fiancé, the love of my life, played it for me while we were driving in Montana.  As I listened to the lyrics and enjoyed the landscape it struck me like a bolt of lightning.  This song would be my life's theme and it reminds me so much of my fiancé and how our relationship continues to grow.  I play this song at least once a week on the way to work and it always reminds me of her.  "Until The End of the Line" is engraved on my wedding band. 

#17 "Holiday Road" by Lindsay Buckingham

Impact Date: December 2019

Release Date: June 1983

My age at impact date: 50 years old

Setting: Road trip from Salt Lake City to Philipsburg, Montana

My fiancé and I love to take road trips and would love to travel the USA after we retire.  We start off every major road trip with this song, to pay homage to Clark W. Griswold.  We plan to play this song many more times as we take our trips across the country and it won't be from an 8-track player like our parents used.

#18 "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam

Impact Date: September 2020

Release Date: October 2009

My age at impact date: 51 years old

Setting: Outer Banks Beach House in Corolla, NC

My fiancé and I heard Willie Nelson's version of this song one evening by the pool with the full moon shining above us and fell in love with it immediately.  Once we realized there was an earlier version by Pearl Jam, we played it again and loved it even more.  This song will be played for our first dance at our wedding in Montana in the Fall.

Quote of the day...

"The world is moving so fast these days that the person who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it." -- Harry Emerson Fosdick

Man or Machine

Many people believe that their lives will be defined by the many choices they will make. Just a fraction of the critical choices we make during our lifetime will include picking our childhood friends, where we will go to school, who we will marry, what type of career we will have and how we will raise our children. Some folks believe that there are no choices. Life is as it should be. You are born, live out your pre-planned existence on earth, and then die.

I can't help but think of Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange, where a human being's ability to choose was forcibly taken away from him by the government. The main character Alex was a young teenager who made plenty of choices - bad choices. He chose the life of crime and in doing so, ruined or terminated many innocent lives along the way. When he finally is imprisoned, he makes one crucial decision which would change his life forever - the ability not to choose. The government trained Alex to experience extreme distress when he started to make an evil choice thus taking away his ability to choose bad. At first, Alex looks forward to the experience of being a 'good' person, but the government doctor corrects him, "It may be horrible to be good...What does God want? Does God want goodness or the choice of goodness? Is a man that chooses the bad in some way better than a man who has good imposed on him?" Will Alex be a better person when he is forced to become good. The government says yes, for society's sake. What would a human being say? Once the the ability to choose is taken away, does he cease being human?

One of my favorite movies of all time is The Matrix. This trilogy takes the meaning of choice to a whole new level. What were the many differences between Neo and Agent Smith? Neo was the antithesis of Smith. Neo was good, Smith was bad. Neo was the type, Smith the anti-type. The crucial difference between the two was described in one word and you guessed it - choice. The key to this movie is the final scene of The Matrix Revolutions when Agent Smith asks "Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more that your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?" And what does Neo say? "Because I choose to."

So the question is, what is a choice to you? Are you a man, machine or something in between (to borrow a line from the rock band Loverboy)? Does choice define the man or is it the other way around? The architect of The Matrix couldn't understand choice. He thought by eliminating choice, he could create the perfect society or utopia. Do you understand the concept of choice? Do you realize that every choice you make has a consequence? An effect on you as well as everyone around you? If you choose to become a drug addict, it will obviously affect you, but also others that come in contact with you. Those who respect you as well as those who look up to you.

Exercise your God-given ability to choose and choose wisely. The effects of our choices reach further and touch more people than we will ever know. Just ask King Henry VIII. He separated England from Rome, started his own Church, and many lost their heads along the way. Why? Because he made a choice. Henry chose Anne Boleyn over Catherine of Aragon, plain and simple. One choice and literally the world was never the same. Now that is power - not the King, but the choice he made.

Don't get caught in the rat race

I think John Lennon said it best, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." I know we (and that is including your spouse) have to earn a paycheck from 8 - 5 to support our families, but that doesn't mean it has to be our identity. Get out there and enjoy your life before it passes you by. Take a long weekend and visit a place where there are no running engines, only running water. Try talking to someone you don't know and get past 'how ya doing' part. Find out about them and how they experience the world. Spend one evening with no TV or 24 hours with no electricity. You may just learn something new.